a search for authenticity
dan & i have talked some about moving this fall. raleigh, nc is one place that we’ve talked about on several occassions. so, today we are going to check out raleigh and see if it is cool enough to handle us living there. neither of us have ever been to downtown raleigh, if you have then feel free to leave comments on some of your favorite places there.
ahh…will this semester ever end?!?! i only have 2 more tests and 1 paper, but it seems like it will never end.
fawn & roger’s baby shower was on saturday. i guess it was ok. i really and truly loathe baby showers. the food isn’t so good. the games are horrible. and i dont really care about seeing someone open gift after gift of diapers. but, i hope fawn & roger enjoyed it. i think the best part was seeing them wear their special hats.
its the end of april in virginia and i look outside and see snow softly falling from the sky.
i’m in narrows for the weekend to visit with my family. tomorrow we celebrate the new life that is about to be upon us. very soon our family will grow again. it is strange how our family has changed over the past couple of years. we’ve added two grown men. can you believe it? our family now has two men and they’ve stuck around for a few years. and now we are about to add a baby. new life, pure, innocent, untainted. it is exciting and scary, are we ready for this? ready or not, tomorrow we celebrate at fawn’s baby shower.
as you noticed i said “i’m in narrows” not “we are in narrows”. so, those of you in maryland, can you check in on dan for me? make sure he eats and bathes while i’m away. 
more talk of the future (particularly my future), i have officially decided not to attend grad school in the immediate future. (now is when dan lets out a huge sigh of relief.) there are several reasons for this decision, but the main reason is that i am uncertain about what i want to focus my study on. my visit to u of md made me realize the importance of finding the right program for me and that it will take time to find such a place.
so, if no grad school now, then what??
i went to university of maryland this morning to discuss the possiblity of doing an internship in their exercise science labs. i met with some very nice professors and heard all about their current work. i thought that today would provide me with some insight about the future concerning my internship and grad school, but, i really don’t know what to think about it all. i’m going need some time to pray and talk to dan about all of this.
Monday,
I am not ready for you. Please come back later.
Thanks, Alicia
dan & i spent the afternoon at robert e lee park in mt. washington. what a peaceful place! there were lots of people out, most of them were walking their dogs. i really enjoyed watching all the dogs swim and play together - i found myself jealous of their carefree happiness and energy. its as if the dogs had a full tank of energy and were ready to use it all. the opposite was true for dan & me, we were on empty and needed to bask in the sun to refuel. oh the sun felt amazing! i could actually feel its energy entering into me, it must be how a flower feels when it soaks up the sunlight and then grows into a beautiful bloom. now i my energy tank is full and i’m ready to go play.
our little monday night group just read about fasting, specifically, fasting from criticism. the reading was simple, basic and left us feeling quite inspired. so, after gaining a techincal definition of criticism from my dollar tree dictionary and debating on a time to start and finish, we were ready to fast.
we decided to fast for two days. i did not struggle much on the first day, and infact, i was provided with some insights on how i go about my normal day. i realized that i am extremely critical of people i do not know. critical of how people drive, what they are wearing, how loud/annoying my classmates are, how slow the person in line ahead of me is, how rude the lady behind cash register is, how absent-minded my professors are…..and so. what does being critical of these people have to benefit me? nothing that i can think of, but i did realize how it is hurting me. this criticalness is keeping me from interacting with those around me and preventing me from being involved in my environment. it seems that this critical nature transforms me into an “outsider” of my own community. since moving to maryland i have struggled with “feeling at home”. i wonder if this critical nature is partly to blame.
after day one i was extremely grateful that we did this activity. but then came day 2. if day one was like today - a sunny, warm, spring day, then day 2 was like a cold, rainy, cloudy, gloomy, i dont want to get out of bed day.
i wont spend much time writing about day 2, b/c i’d rather erase it from memory. overall, i struggled greatly with fasting from criticism. it seemed as if every word out of my mouth was critical. but i did realize that most of my verbal criticism was rooted in wanting to complain. so, from day 2 i learned that maybe i complain too much, but also that if i ever fast from criticism again then it be for only one day.
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