Family
Well, we survived a long weekend in Narrows. Just like every trip down there, we had our good times and bad, but overall it was a good trip. Got to see the rage and the peace of baby Landon. Got to spend time with my dear brother & sister who I miss greatly. And desperately tried to understand my mom & grandmother. It seems like the more I experience in life, the less I am able to relate to them. It has gotten a lot worse since I married and moved away. At first I fought every battle in attempts to show them who I am becoming and to get them to come along on the journey, but now I am getting tired, and wondering if it is worth the energy. Even trying to share my ideas of how to decorate our house ended with their negative comments and me feeling like I had to defend my ideas. So, I no longer share my dreams with my mom and grandmother because they do not/can not dream with me. As a teenager my goal was to escape Narrows, to be free and able to live out big dreams. I felt like the small-town was keeping me from all that. But, unfortantely, I am wondering, if it was my mom & grandmother who were really the ones suffocating me. Of course, I know this was never their intentions. I know they truly wanted the best for us, but they were so overwhelmed with the burdens of life. All of this has made me think about hurts, wounds, and broken hearts being passed from generation to generation. I can clearly see my how grandmother’s wounds were passed to my mom and then onto us. I hope that my siblings & I will be able to gain healing and put some of these wounds to rest.
