Pictures

My mom loved to take pictures of us growing up and she always had a camera ready at family functions. However, she is not the best photographer, really, she is the worst photographer I know. Her favorite shot to take is of the back of someone’s head. This would drive my siblings & I crazy. But, to make up for that, my mom would finish a roll of film and put it in a “safe” place to later be taken to the store and developed. Over the years we would stumble upon dozens of undeveloped rolls of film. To us, it was as if we found treasure. Every time we would get excited and for the day or two that it took to get developed we would make up stories of what family event had been recorded on those lost, forgotten pictures.

Last week when I was in Narrows, my sister discovered 9 rolls of undeveloped film in my mom’s bedroom. The excitement of the discovery was quickly followed by nervousness. We all want there to be pictures of Jarrett on those rolls. Maybe some memories that we had forgotten about would be on those rolls. Something to help us remember him a little more.

Today I got all the pictures from the 9 rolls that Fawntane found last week. Over half of the pictures are from Jarrett’s high school graduation and his last high school track meet. I’ve spent the last couple of hours scanning and editing the pictures and lots of sweet memories have come to me. Below are a couple of my favorites.

Us at Jarrett’s graduation in 2003.

Jarrett & Todd

Tags: Family, Life

Girls Girls Girls!

I’ve never been in a book club before, but have always wanted to. I’ve begged Dan for years for us to host a book club and he always says no. After years of rejection I’ve finally realized that I can be in a book club without Dan. And to rub it in his face even a little bit more, I want it to be girls only. Then he won’t even be allowed to come! Ha!

So, any girls out there who want to read a good summer book or two and then get together with other girls and drink wine while we talk about the book, please let me know.

Tags: Life, Reading

Expanding

Unlike some people, I have experienced an unwanted “expansion” through my hips & thighs…..aka Thass area. For the second day in a row I’ve hit up the gym.  Not only am I working out to tone up the Thass, but I also want to get in better biking shape. One of these days I will bike up Church Hill and not yell one single cuss word.

Tags: Life

Exhausted

Today I slept in past 9:00 and I took two naps for a combined 4+ hours of napping. Still, I feel exhausted.

The events of the weekend wore me out. On Thursday & Friday I was in Blacksburg to help my mom clean out Jarrett’s apartment. I prepared myself for us to spend hours in his apartment sobbing, but we didn’t. For the most part we worked faster than our emotions could keep up with. Most days I function in a mode where I don’t realize that all of this was real. While cleaning out his apartment I kept thinking that I wanted to do a good job, just like if I was helping him pack to move to Florida this fall.

My mom & I attended the Governor’s meeting on Saturday. Before the meeting we met several other families for lunch. It was a long day full of difficult moments. During the meeting questions were asked and comments were made about the events of that day and the days immediately after. A lot of things that I had tried to forget about were discussed. But, I guess even though it was difficult there was some good to come from the meeting.

While I was away Dan (with the help of a friend named Ryan) put up a website in honor of Jarrett. We will be adding more content over the next few weeks.

Tags: Insanity

On the Radio

I was constantly flipping through the radio stations on my way to Narrows today.  For one brief moment my dial accidentally landed on a Christian Radio station.  Before I could realize what was going on, one of the most beautiful songs started to play.

Here is the chorus,

“This is what it means to be held.

How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life.

And you survive.

This is what it is to be loved.

And to know that the promise was

When everything fell, we’d be held.” 

- “Held”, by Natalie Grant

Tags: Insanity

Narrows

I am going to Narrows today. Along with my sister and mother, we will be cleaning out Jarrett’s apartment. Then I am bringing my mom back to Richmond so we can attend the meeting with the Governor on Saturday. In other news, Richmonders can expect a shortage of wine after this week…..

Tags: Insanity

Someday soon…

the world will be full of Alisha’s and Alicia’s on pink bikes!

She even biked in a skirt!

Tags: Life

From my time in Narrows

Written in my journal, while visiting Narrows.  The quote at the end is from Lady Lazarus by Sylvia Plath.

Missed a day of writing and now I’m in Narrows.  I came alone and truly realize the depth of my loneliness.  My only company is stress, which is immeasurable. 

Thank-you notes to write,

memorial funds to fuss about,

his mail still comes, 

Norris Hall is opening,

flowers are dying, 

a new memorial is being built,

hurt families have hired a lawyer,

his apartment needs to be cleaned out,

tonight, a scholarship is being awarded in his name,

the house is a mess,

the high school yearbook staff needs pictures for their dedicated book,

his last paycheck needs to be picked up,

the AP calls for an interview,

a baseball game is scheduled to raise money for the memorial fund,

his car insurance still hasn’t been canceled,

a song, written for him, is recorded in Nashville,

nieces are learning how to walk, 

colorful ribbons still hang on trees,

and strangely, days still pass,

life continues while stress suffocates,

and I am lonely for him. 

The hardest moment is the one I’m experiencing.  It is difficult to be here, to be home, but the writing helps.  The writing makes me want to be here, makes me want to be in this moment, to remember, write, feel, and to long for him….

“I do it so it feels like hell.   I do it so it feels real.”

Tags: Insanity

First Bike Ride

Today Dan took me out for my first real ride through the city. Today’s ride was enjoyable and involved much less cussing than yesterday’s ride.

Here’s a map of our journey to Gold’s Gym, The Fan (aka the best gym in Richmond). As you can see we avoided going up or down Church Hill.

The plan for tomorrow is to bike to Gold’s Gym and lift weights before biking home.

Tags: Townie21

I’m Sorry

I’d like to apologize to all the residents who live on the hill near Libby Park (I think it is the end of Franklin Street).  I’m sorry for the amount of cussing you heard come from my mouth as my husband made me bike UP that hill.

Tags: Townie21

Townie in the City

Today Dan & I went for an evening walk. Our usual evening walk ends with us in Libby Park sipping coffee from Buzzy’s. While we were sitting in the park we started talking about how old our SUV is and that I don’t like driving it because I feel unsafe at times. After throwing around the idea of becoming a 1 car family we decided the most logical thing to do is to buy me a bike. So, that’s what we did!

We went over to Carytown to Carytown Bicycle Company and came home with a Townie21.

Richmond drivers (especially GRTC drivers) please keep an extra eye out for me. Thanks!

Tags: Life

Summer Reading

Though it is a cool 70 degrees outside, I’m curious to know what hot books everyone has planned to read this summer?

This summer I will spend most of my reading time with deceased, brilliant women.  I have started, but not regularly read, A House with Four Rooms by Rumer Godden. Also, I picked up a Virginia Woolf novel last week that I am looking forward to reading because it is her first published novel. And because she is my obsession I will surely read lots of Sylvia Plath this summer.

Tags: Reading

Want to be my neighbor?

Those of you who have been to our house know that we are surrounded by empty lots and abandoned houses. When giving directions to our house, Dan often says “You’ll know it is our street because it looks like it was bombed.” I know this type of neighborhood is not for everyone, but it does have some perks. For instance, we NEVER have to worry about finding a parking spot. Anyway, since we moved in we have held onto the promise that someday the abandoned houses will be renovated into beautiful homes and new homes will adorn the empty lots. This week we saw a huge step into that direction. The nasty abandoned house that neighbors our home is now on the market! Also, there is another abandoned house that we can see from our back porch that also went on the market this week. From my front porch I can see 6 houses for sale (some renovated, some not). We are well on our way to a day when we will cuss as we drive up to our house and are not able to easily park.

Here are links to some of the houses for sale near us. (The abandoned properties do not have pictures.)

From the back porch we can see this abandoned house.

Next door is an abandoned duplex. Each side is being sold separately.

Across the street is the most beautiful house on the block.

Down the street is one that is near the end of renovation.

At the end of the block.

On the next block is a beautiful new construction that Dan wants to move in to.

Tags: Life

Yesterday

Once a week or so I have a day where my insanity is uncontrollable. Yesterday was one of those days. After not being able to sleep for more than 2 consecutive hours during the night, I got out of bed around 6:30ish. I spent over an hour aimlessly checking email, Myspace, the news, and cuteoverload.com until all of that clicking made me hungry and I had first breakfast. Just as my belly started to feel full the insanity emerged.

Ever have those moments when you walk into a room to retrieve an item, but suddenly forget what item it is that you came after. Then you mumble, “Hmm….what did I come in here for…”, while you look around the room hoping that something you see will trigger your memory. That is the state of mind I was in yesterday as I wondered around the house. I couldn’t focus or make a decision and stick with it. For example, I decided to walk to Buzzy’s to get second breakfast and take it to the park to eat while I did my version of Morning Pages. On my way out the door I impulsively decided to drive to Buzzy’s. On the drive there I thought, wouldn’t it be nice to sit at Buzzy’s and write instead of going to the park. Once I got inside Buzzy’s I decided to screw it all and get my breakfast and take it home. So, I did. The rest of the day was similar. My only accomplishment was folding and putting away 2 months of laundry that I had done, but let sit in baskets for almost a week.

Tags: Insanity

I’m his Honey

My nephew, Landon, has started calling me Honey. No one really knows why he picked this name for me, but I like it. What woman wouldn’t like to walk into a room and see a guy’s face light up with a huge smile while he runs to you calling you Honey?!

Tags: Family