From my time in Narrows
Written in my journal, while visiting Narrows. The quote at the end is from Lady Lazarus by Sylvia Plath.
Missed a day of writing and now I’m in Narrows. I came alone and truly realize the depth of my loneliness. My only company is stress, which is immeasurable.
Thank-you notes to write,
memorial funds to fuss about,
his mail still comes,
Norris Hall is opening,
flowers are dying,
a new memorial is being built,
hurt families have hired a lawyer,
his apartment needs to be cleaned out,
tonight, a scholarship is being awarded in his name,
the house is a mess,
the high school yearbook staff needs pictures for their dedicated book,
his last paycheck needs to be picked up,
the AP calls for an interview,
a baseball game is scheduled to raise money for the memorial fund,
his car insurance still hasn’t been canceled,
a song, written for him, is recorded in Nashville,
nieces are learning how to walk,
colorful ribbons still hang on trees,
and strangely, days still pass,
life continues while stress suffocates,
and I am lonely for him.
The hardest moment is the one I’m experiencing. It is difficult to be here, to be home, but the writing helps. The writing makes me want to be here, makes me want to be in this moment, to remember, write, feel, and to long for him….
“I do it so it feels like hell. I do it so it feels real.”
You are a beautiful writer.