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Never have I ever….
Posted by alicia on Aug 30, 2007 in Life
drank too much and then blogged.
My eyes burn from all the crying.
Posted by alicia on Aug 30, 2007 in Uncategorized
I’ve had a lot of wine tonight and I’m still going to take some Tylenol PM to help me sleep.
I just opened an email containing a link to a special website with the information from the VT Review Panel’s report. It is secret, just for the families. But, that is how my Wednesday night is ending. Reading the report that details all of why/how/when my brother was killed. It could be twice as long, but still wouldn’t be enough. I was really hoping to have an “Ohhh….” moment. A moment while reading the report that I could peacefully say, “Nothing could have been done.”
I don’t see that.
Through teary eyes I tried to read that damn report and all I can say is “Why isn’t he here?!?” I know I’ve had a lot of wine tonight and I’m emotional, but still…..why did no one cancel class that day?!?…………it will never make sense to me.
Friday Night Football
Posted by alicia on Aug 24, 2007 in Life
We are in Narrows for their season opener. Tonight they retired Jarrett’s #24 jersey and the Hokie band came to play the half-time show. The family wore matching Green Wave shirts and the twins wore Va Tech cheerleader outfits. The Narrows stands were a mixture of green, yellow, maroon, and orange. Never have those four colors seemed to belong together as much as they did tonight.
We had a good time taking the babies to their first Narrows High football game.
It was overwhelming to see how much this town loves Jarrett.
We brought home Jarrett’s #24 jersey and it’s sitting in the family room. We are not sure what we are going to do with it, but it is very special to us all.
I have a lot more pictures here.
Also, the local news station covered the night and put together a nice video that includes a short clip of Jarrett playing football his senior year.
Honoring The 32 & Honoring My 1
Posted by alicia on Aug 20, 2007 in Life
Barely left with the energy I needed to drive home, I returned from an emotionally exhausting weekend in Narrows. My family had 2 dreaded tasks to complete this weekend. First, on Friday I joined my family and we drove down a windy road to meet with a man who would help us design a headstone for the grave. The second task ahead of us was to attend the memorial dedication at Va Tech. Obviously these 2 tasks have strong similarity in that they were both using a big rock to set up a memorial for us to honor lost ones.
On Friday I had expected my family to be too overwhelmed for us to work together and design a headstone fitting for Jarrett’s grave and I was quite sure that I’d leave very frustrated. But, I was wrong. Very wrong. It was beautiful moment as we spent hours talking about Jarrett and his passions. His memorial will be a good representation of places that were special to him, his appreciation of unique structures, and his family nickname. A small bit of peace came into me after we finished designing his memorial.
Sunday’s memorial dedication was a very different experience. I’m sure many people thought the ceremony was encouraging and full of Hokie spirit. Not me. The heat combined with the speeches “moving me forward” left me feeling like I was going to faint. I’ve grown tired of memorials that are more about the ones left behind and I’m weary of speeches about prevailing. Those memorials do not bring me any peace. I can not attend them and fondly remember my brother.
I hope the dedication ceremony was the last event at Tech that I will attend to honor The 32. Instead, I will remember My 1. This coming Friday is Narrows High School’s first football game of the season. Before the game they are retiring Jarrett’s jersey and at half-time the Va Tech band is performing. Earlier this month my mom received 100 CDs with the Craig Whittaker song written for Jarrett. Later this year, a bridge in Narrows will be named in honor of Jarrett. Just before Christmas of this year, the black onyx headstone designed by his family will be put into place and I will honor My 1.
Braves & Elvis
Posted by alicia on Aug 17, 2007 in Life
Last night we went to the Richmond Braves game and it rained.
After watching the rain and drinking $2 beer for a while we went to BWs to drink $4 beer. While at BW’s we saw Elvis playing a video game. The King graciously stopped his game to take a picture with us.
Internet Love…not porn
Posted by alicia on Aug 16, 2007 in Life
My internet family is ever-growing and I feel their love in ways that only happen online. Today’s special internet love moment was a result of Jen Lemen listing the The Weepies as one of her favorite bands on her Facebook profile. Then Ross Catrow was IMing Dan and told him about Pandora. I investigated both The Weepies and Pandora. This resulted in me hearing Somebody Loved by The Weepies, which goes like this….
Rain turns the sand into mud
Wind turns the trees into bone
Stars turning high up above
You turn me into somebody loved
Nights when the heat had gone out
We danced together alone
Cold turned our breath into clouds
We never said what we were dreaming of
But you turned me into somebody loved
Someday when we’re old and worn
Like two softened shoes
I will wonder on how I was born
The night I first ran away from you
Now my feet turn the corner back home
Sun turns the evening to rose
Stars turning high up above
You turn me into somebody loved
Then I smiled and felt loved by my internet family.
xoxo
Vineyard Hopping
Posted by alicia on Aug 13, 2007 in Life
Today I have been reflecting on the beautiful weekend that I just experienced. My good friend Alisha is getting married next month and her bachelorette party was this past weekend. I hope everyone knows what it is like to have a friend so special to them that they live for moments like this, moments when they get to celebrate happiness and joy in the lives of their friends. I cherish Alisha, especially since she has been so caring of me for these past few months and therefore, this weekend was important and meaningful for me because I got to celebrate my friend.
It was the perfect bachelorette party. Alisha invited 7 of her lady friends for a weekend of wine tasting in Charlottesville. The vineyards we visited had incredible wine and gorgeous views. I’m sure the view will be even more breath-taking this fall as the leaves change.
We spent the afternoon taking in the beauty of mountains and life of the wine. That evening we had a meal that was so good and plentiful that we couldn’t do anything other than get back to our hotel and go to bed. The next morning we woke up, ate brownies for breakfast, and spent a couple of hours playing at the pool. I’ve never been on a trip with so many women that didn’t really know each other. But we got along beautifully and had fun celebrating together. We will all get to gather again in a month at Alisha & Casey’s wedding, where I’m sure we will be drinking more wine.
Suck it in!
Posted by alicia on Aug 12, 2007 in Life
On our five year anniversary Dan & I decided to try on our wedding clothes. I haven’t tried on my wedding dress since our wedding day. With Dan’s help I was able to get it zipped up……
Here is a picture of me in my dress on our wedding day:
And here is a picture of me on our 5 year anniversary:
Anniversary
Posted by alicia on Aug 10, 2007 in Life
Today we celebrate five years of marriage. The day started by Dan waking up, jumping out of bed, running downstairs, running back upstairs, and giving me a present!
I love Audrey Hepburn and this is the most amazing book I’ve ever seen about her. It includes copies of personal letters and scripts. An Audrey quote on the back cover speaks to our marriage:
“Only simplicity and the truth count. It has to come from inside. You can’t fake it.”
After Dan gave me my present, he held me and we talked some of the lies we were told about marriage before we got married. We laid there with a peace, a beauty, and a love that is much different than what I thought I would experience in marriage, it is rougher and dirtier than the fairy tales I was told. This is not Happily Ever After, but I would not trade it.
Happy Anniversary Danny! I promise the UPS man will deliver your present today!
A Creative Hostess
Posted by alicia on Aug 6, 2007 in Uncategorized
While at BlogHer I spotted “The Blogging Church” and mentioned it to Pastor Brent of the Well. Pastor Brent read the book in only a few days and then lent it to me. I’m only through the first couple of chapters, but I came across a couple of quotes that speak to heart of why I enjoy blogging.
“Blogging is about connecting communities through conversation.”
“Blogging is simply online hospitality - opening your door, inviting people inside, and sharing stories.”
For several months I’ve been struggling with my personal blog because I feel like I’ve lost the voice that was evolving here, but I’ve been excited to see a stronger community/connection develop. BlogHer inspired me to search again for that voice and become a creative hostess. I’m thrashing out ideas on how to make that happen as I realize how easily technology & social networking are mixing with my other interests.
Celebrations, Family, & Fence
Posted by alicia on Aug 3, 2007 in Life
Today is my sister’s birthday. To celebrate her birthday and wedding anniversary my sis & her hubby went on a vacation. The first stop of their vacation was our house, which was their first visit to Richmond since we’ve lived here. I learned something new about my brother-in-law during their stay here. He is allergic to cats. I doubt they’ll be coming to visit again anytime soon. They left this morning and now I’m waiting for my in-laws to come in for the weekend. Being the forgetful people that they are, they again volunteered to help us work on our privacy fence during the heat of summer. They did this same thing last year. At least this time we’ll be able to cool off in the pool. Our year-long project of installing a privacy fence will hopefully be completed this weekend. We will have to celebrate with a pool party and ice cream.
I need a job.
Posted by alicia on Aug 2, 2007 in Life
My days of being a kept-woman are about to end. I’ve decided that it’s time for me to start working again. I don’t know if this is a sign that I’m at a point where I might be able to function like a normal adult or that I’m going crazy at home. Either way I have started the stressful process of job searching. I hate job searching. I think it would be nice if I could enjoy this process and imagine all the possibilities awaiting for me at my new job. Instead, I stress myself to the point of getting sick. I stress about finding the “perfect job”, which I’ve been told doesn’t exist, but I’m not giving up hope. I stress about being rejected. Now that I’ve applied for a few jobs I check my phone and email every 30 seconds to see if I have any messages about a potential perfect job. Every time I see an empty Inbox I nervously think “Oh God, no one is going to hire me!” Then, Bad Alicia speaks up , “Well, of course they aren’t going to hire you, you aren’t qualified and your highlights need to be touched up.” This drama happens multiple times every hour. The only way I can calm myself down is to give myself a pep talk and make Dan tell me that even if my highlights need to be touched up he still thinks I’m pretty.
One downside of where I live
Posted by alicia on Aug 2, 2007 in Life
There isn’t anywhere to get ice cream at 4:00 am after waking up from a sad dream.